Love Cooperates. Fear Competes.

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People with personality disorders do not like to cooperate. They have a deep commitment to withholding truth, facts and promises. They do not like to empower others and do not like to give credit where credit is due. Lying comes very naturally and without remorse.

letting-goThey avoid honest and open communication. They are the ones who hang up on us because they do not allow others the freedom and right of expressing their own feelings and thoughts. They are deeply afraid and do not feel love authentically. Their love is shallow and conditional, which is not connected to all living beings. Typically, these types insult and shame us. They do not help us save face, especially when they want to have some form of control over us, or try to make us feel lesser than. If called upon as witness to truth that could exonerate someone, they may say something like, “I really don’t want to get involved.”

They lack integrity and grace and are filled with immense judgement and disregard for the well-being of other human beings. They love to triangulate. It makes them feel powerful to have that much self-imposed, artificial control over others. They may treat their animals better than family members.

After decades of studying and teaching, I see all antisocial personalities as being asleep in their own reality, which on some level gives them what they need to sustain themselves. Perhaps it makes them feel more alive, being that they are the archetype of either the walking dead or the vampires who feed on the Light of others.

From what I have witnessed throughout the years, and others have shared with me, they possess a low spiritual and/or emotional IQ. They tend to gravitate toward the fleeting satisfaction of materialism and plow their way through the hearts and lives of the people who are touched by them. They seem unable to control their impulses to destroy people’s good works, reputations, families and relationships. Very rarely do they have their own legs to stand on. They need others to prop them up, financially and otherwise.

We have all wanted to shake them to wake them up and show them that there is an easier and more fulfilling way to live. It seems like they don’t understand the meaning of the words: Love. Respect. Loyalty. Honor. It’s a lost cause. Leave it alone. Focus on building your own beautiful life and don’t confront them with their lies. People know. Or, they eventually figure it out. You don’t have to justify yourself. Give it to the Universe. One day,they may awaken through tremendous amounts of loss and pain, or their own voluntary spiritual development. Maybe it will take lifetimes, who knows? So, do yourself a favor. Don’t wait for it.

Sociopathic Behavior and Alcoholism

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I believe that an alcoholic is sometimes mistaken for a narcissist or sociopath.

An alcoholic person does exhibit some antisocial traits, of course, but it can be confusing to differentiate the two.

This information may help those of you who often ask me about this topic.

Alcoholism is a disease that can be treated — not cured — with abstinence.

Sociopathy cannot be cured. Since it is a personality disorder, it will remain present
even when one takes alcohol out of the equation.

I do believe that a sober sociopath is better than an active alcoholic sociopath.
And, a sober sociopath who finds spirituality is even better.
But, what are the odds? ONE IN A BILLION? Maybe.

Nailed It!

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I just happened to scroll through my newsfeed on Facebook, and saw a post from Anne Rice. It’s an article that explains the Sociopathic Style in a different — yet also profound — way. It nails the relationship dynamic to a tee!  Read. Learn. Spread the information.

Empathic People Are Natural Targets For Sociopaths

The empathy trap: therapists and counselors almost by definition are empathic, to facilitate clients’ recovery – but this quality can mean those carers are targets for sociopaths, aided by what Dr Jane & Tim McGregor call “apaths”. The first UK article on this cruel sport shows how to identify and thus avoid it.

People targeted by a sociopath often respond with self-deprecating comments like “I was stupid”, “what was I thinking” of “I should’ve listened to my gut instinct”. But being involved with a sociopath is like being brainwashed. The sociopath’s superficial charm is usually the means by which s/he conditions people.

On initial contact, a sociopath will often test other people’s empathy, so questions geared towards discovering if you are highly empathic or not should ring alarm bells. People with a highly empathic disposition are often targeted. Those with lower levels of empathy are often passed over, though they can be drawn in and used by sociopaths as part of their cruel entertainment.

Sociopaths make up 25% of the prison population, committing over twice as many aggressive acts as other criminals. The reoffending rate of sociopaths is about double that of other offenders, and for violent crimes it is triple.

But not all sociopaths are found in prison. There is the less-visible burden of sociopath-induced emotional trauma which, if left unchecked, can lead to anxiety disorders, depression and post-traumatic stress disorder.

Chronically traumatized people often exhibit hyper-vigilant, anxious and agitated behavior, symptoms such as tension headaches, gastrointestinal disturbances, abdominal pain, back pain, tremors and nausea.

Exposure to and interaction with a sociopath in childhood can leave lifelong scars. This can apply to people in therapy – and for those who in recovery trained as therapists, re-exposure as an adult can trigger old emotions and PTSD.

This article is not about sociopaths per se but about surviving the harm they cause.

EVERYDAY SOCIOPATHS

Many sociopaths wreak havoc in a covert way, so that their underlying condition remains hidden for years. They can possess a superficial charm, and this diverts attention from disturbing aspects of their nature.

The following case history illustrates how people can be systematically targeted until they feel they can barely trust their own sense of reality – what we call “gaslighting”. Sociopathic abuse is targeted abuse. It can wreck lives. Victims can become survivors, but at huge cost.

At school, ‘James’ took a dislike to a classmate, ‘Sam’, who was sensitive and popular. He would mock him for auditioning for the school play or for getting upset over failing a test. The situation deteriorated when it became known that Sam’s parents were separating. Sam appeared to be taking it with fortitude, to the admiration of his peers. He also got attention and sympathy from the school staff, especially James’ favourite teacher: ie, the one he manipulated most easily.

James decided on a plan of covert bullying. He started a whispering campaign implying that Sam’s parents were not splitting up, that he had said they were in order to seek attention. Sadly, this was all too successful and over the next few days Sam was met with silence and verbal bullying from his hitherto-supportive classmates.

James continued his campaign, targeting Sam’s close friends over the next few days. They found themselves accused of misdemeanours such as sending offensive emails/texts. Then the ‘favourite’ teacher went on “leave with immediate effect” after accusations of assaulting a pupil. Where had the accusations come from? Guess.

This case shows how deliberately sociopaths, from a young age, can target others. Taking advantage of people’s credibility and goodwill, James exploited the situation. With a more perceptive head teacher, this sociopath might have been found out, but he knew who to manipulate and how far he could go.

MORE: http://www.sott.net/article/268449-Empathic-people-are-natural-targets-for-sociopaths-protect-yourself

They’re Playing Your Song

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singing-your-songWhen a woman in a certain African tribe knows she is pregnant, she goes out into the wilderness with a few friends and together they pray and meditate until they hear the song of the child. They recognize that every soul has its own vibration that expresses its unique flavor and purpose. When the women attune to the song, they sing it out loud. Then they return to the tribe and teach it to everyone else.

When the child is born, the community gathers and sings the child’s song to him or her. Later, when the child enters education, the village gathers and chants the child’s song. When the child passes through the initiation to adulthood, the people again come together and sing. At the time of marriage, the person hears his or her song. Finally, when the soul is about to pass from this world, the family and friends gather at the person’s bed, just as they did at their birth, and they sing the person to the next life.

When I have shared this story in my lectures, a fair amount of people in the audience come to tears. There is something inside each of us that knows we have a song, and we wish those we love would recognize it and support us to sing it. In some of my seminars I ask people to verbalize to a partner the one phrase they wish their parents had said to them as a child. Then the partner lovingly whispers it in their ear. This exercise goes very deep, and many significant insights start to click. How we all long to be loved, acknowledged, and accepted for who we are!

In the African tribe, there is one other occasion upon which the villagers sing to the child. If at any time during his or her life the person commits a crime or aberrant social act, the individual is called to the center of the village and the people in the community form a circle around them. Then they sing their song to them. The tribe recognizes that the correction for antisocial behavior is not punishment; it is love and the remembrance of identity. When you recognize your own song, you have no desire or need to do anything that would hurt another.

A friend is someone who knows your song and sings it to you when you have forgotten it. Those who love you are not fooled by mistakes you have made or dark images you hold about yourself. They remember your beauty when you feel ugly; your wholeness when you are broken; your innocence when you feel guilty; and your purpose when you are confused. One summer when I was a teenager I went to visit my cousin and her family in Wilmington, Delaware. One afternoon she took me to the community pool, where I met a man who changed my life. Mr. Simmons talked to me for about 10 minutes. It wasn’t what he said that affected me so deeply; it was how he listened to me. He asked me questions about my life, my feelings, and my interests.

The unusual thing about Mr. Simmons was that he paid attention to my answers. Although I had family, friends, and teachers, this man was the only person in my world who seemed genuinely interested in what I had to say and valued me for who I was.

After our brief conversation, I never saw him again. I probably never will. I’m sure he had no idea that he gave me the gift of a lifetime. Maybe he was one of those angels who show up for a brief mission on earth, to give someone faith, confidence, and hope when they most need it.

If you do not give your song a voice, you will feel lost, alone, and confused. If you express it, you will come to life. We attract people on a similar wavelength so we can support each other to sing aloud. Sometimes we attract people who challenge us by telling us that we cannot or should not sing our song in public. Yet these people help us too, for they stimulate us to find a greater courage to sing it.

You may not have grown up in an African tribe that sings your song to you at crucial life transitions, but life is always reminding you when you are in tune with yourself and when you are not. When you feel good, what you are doing matches your song, and when you feel awful, it doesn’t. In the end, we shall all recognize our song and sing it well. You may feel a little warbly at the moment, but so have all the great singers. Just keep singing and you’ll find your way home.

by Alan Cohen, Author of Living from the Heart

How To Deal With Judgemental People

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Did you cross paths today with someone who made you doubt your direction or path in life? I’ll bet you can picture a couple of examples right now. They are the “positivity sponges,” sucking up your optimism. But what if I told you that you can stay true to your vision and stay on course, no matter how many “Debbie Downers” you encounter?

Here are the three main types of negative people you encounter and how to deal with them.

READ THE ENTIRE BLOG POST HERE.

Preventing Sociopathy

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Reversing the current trend, in which increasing proportions of young Americans are growing up unsocialized, is a major — I would say the major — social problem of our time. Solving this problem will be difficult and expensive, yet not nearly so expensive as not solving it.  If my analysis is correct, the essence of the solution is to reduce the numbers of youngsters being reared by incompetent or indifferent or unsocialized parents.  -David T. Lykken “The Antisocial Personalities” p. 229

 

Emotion or Feeling?

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I heard something new pertaining to emotions and feelings and wanted to share it.
“How do you know if what you are feeling is an emotion or a feeling?”  a student asked.
The spiritual teacher answered, “A feeling subsides within 20 minutes. An emotion sticks around for
as long as you let it.”

 

Forgiveness and Mercy

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“Relax for a moment and be still. Imagine that you are a child and remember one way that you believed you were victimized. It could be someone yelling at you, lying to you, putting you down, hitting, incesting, or molesting you.

Can you see the person abusing you? Are they roaring like a tiger? Watch their lips as they talk to you. See their hand or body as it comes down on you, for example. Look at their face. Look deeply into their eyes. Don’t move away. Really look at them. Can you really know that they want to hurt you? Can you really know that they are not inflicting more abuse upon themselves in that moment? Sit in stillness with this.

Then ask yourself the following question: ‘If I had to choose one or the other for all eternity, would I rather be the abuser or the abused? Which position is the more merciful?'”

~ Byron Katie

5 Things About the “Unteachable Ones”

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Who are the “Unteachable Ones” and how will you recognize them?

The Unteachable OnesThey are the people in your life that tend to speak the three most dangerous words in the English language: “I KNOW THAT!”  Sometimes, it sounds like this: “I already knew that!” “So what? I already know that!”  “I do that already, and I have for years!” They live in a house of cards. Yes, or yes? Always projecting that they have that knowledge, which they really don’t. The proof arrives instantaneously when they are asked and can’t answer the question, even though — per them — it’s been a life-long learning. Doesn’t matter what the subject is. They know it all. You get the picture.

A person who has a huge commitment level to the Sociopathic Style is difficult to teach. It is also very hard to share success stories with them, as they are simply going to say something like, “Great!” They will never ask you, “Tell me more about what you learned.” “Wow, it sounds like you learned a lot.” “What an achievement! Congratulations!”

Nope!  You will never hear anything like that from an Unteachable One.

Here are 5 traits that may help you recognize Unteachable Ones:

1. Someone who feels weak and not in their power tends — or tries — to steal energy from someone who is in their power. When given the opportunity to learn something new, they immediately feel inferior and shut down, walk away, or talk about you behind your back to take you down a notch.

2. They know everything, and much better than you! “Okay, go ahead. Explain yourself and tell me what you know,” they might say while they roll their eyes, sigh, yawn or act completely disinterested in what you are saying. They may ask the question and then interrupt you with something completely irrelevant.

3. Are they really interested in what you know, or what you just learned or experienced? Probably not. People who have  a high commitment level to the Sociopathic Style believe you don’t exist. Your excitement leaves them cold, because  they, themselves, can’t feel or access their own inner core other than feeling jealous. So, how in the heck can they relate to you?   Only through deep, inner resentment that has been festering for years, decades or an entire lifetime.

4. They tend to be jealous people, so if you know more than they, they will try to knock you off your pedestal. Whether to your face with their rudeness, or back-biting.

5.  They may secretly admire you or what you stand for. Hence, they will mimic you and pass on the things you teach them, claiming them as their own. They tend to steal the credit away from you because they don’t want your head to swell, or some such nonsense. They may belittle and shame you by yawning, acting disinterested or make faces while you try to communicate with them. But, alas! They go out and share with others the things they heard you say.  Catchphrases, knowledge, spiritual quotes.  It doesn’t matter what it is. They may try to steal your entire personality, for that matter.  (See the movie, “The Talented Mr. Ripley.”) Scary stuff.

People ask me, “How can we stop these hideous, little monsters?”

You don’t. And, you shouldn’t want to.

The best thing to do is don’t confront them and walk — or run — if you can, far and wide and be with the people who know how to love, uplift and inspire you. Because we all know by now, they do not know how to empower others. From an energetic perspective, once you really get to know them, it feels like they are dead inside. There is no authenticity in their personality.  They have often been called: “Empty, hollow shells.”

Lastly, believe me when I say this — they can not steal anything from you when you have enough Light in you. Light is abundant and unlimited. They may try to dim your Light, but without your permission, they can’t do SQUAT.

Shine on!

With love,
Marion

Addiction and the Brain

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PLEASURE UNWOVEN

Understanding the brain, and how it works in regards to addiction is critical when it comes to better understanding this plague affecting so many in the 21st-century.

In the addiction world, renowned physician Dr. Kevin McCauley explains in an entertaining and very informative manner how addiction affects the brain. This program is filmed in the outback of Utah. The film uses Utah’s amazing terrain in parallel with the brains landscapes to help the viewer better understand the challenges the brain faces in regards to substance addiction.

If you know anyone that would appreciate an in depth and accurate body of information concerning the disease of addiction, this trailer may be very helpful indeed. There is contact information at the end of the trailer. I hope this information is useful.