Early in our support group work with the victims of psychopaths, they identified their partner or ex-partner as the psychopath in their lives. This then became shortened to the expression “My P did …” They experienced themselves as the victim of a psychopath. In many cases this was true and the mental-health professional they were working with accurately diagnosed their partner and helped them get out of the relationship and restore their lives.
However, they continued to see themselves as victims and held onto their rage at their partner and their shattered lives. In order to move on it became essential for them to look at themselves and their participation in the relationship and the wreckage of their lives.
It was out of this dynamic that The Sociopathic Style™ was born. By continuing to identify themselves as victims and labeling their partner as a psychopath, they were continuing to live a relationship style that was sociopathic in nature. When we point the finger at the other person and label them as, for example, “sick,” “disturbed” and “evil,” we demonize the other and our behavior becomes that reflected in The Sociopathic Style™. While they continued to identify the other as “My P,” they were able to see that they were active participants in the process.
Throughout our website we may identify individuals as “psychopaths” or “sociopaths.” This is not intended to be a diagnosis. It is intended to be a shorthand description of the commitment to the behaviors of The Sociopathic Style™. An example of this is the reference to Charles Graner as a psychopath in the article, “The Victimization of Lynndie England.” By referring to Graner as a psychopath, it is in this context that we do so.
We are not equipped to provide a clinical diagnosis for any individuals nor would we want to. To diagnose a psychopath requires well-developed psychiatric and psychological tools that are used in the interview and assessment process with that individual. In addition, the understanding of the psychopathic personality as to its psychodynamics, neurology and etiology is in its infancy. We all have a lot to learn.
We stress this in all of our seminars and workshops. If you suspect you are in a relationship with a psychopath or have been the victim of a psychopath, we are here to provide information and support.
We do recommend working with mental health professionals who are well trained and understand the dynamics of narcissism and its affects on relationships and the individuals in relationships with people who are highly narcissistic. We do not believe our information and educational programs replace individual therapy, but they definitely enhance them!
