ANY ENCOUNTER OFFERS US A CHOICE
“This is an idea that seems difficult for Westerners to accept: when someone harms us, they create the cause of their own suffering. They do this by strengthening habits that imprison them in a cycle of pain and confusion. It’s not that we are responsible for what someone else does, and certainly not that we should feel guilty. But when they harm us, we unintentionally become the means of their undoing. Had they looked on us with loving-kindness, however, we’d be the cause of their gathering virtue.
What I find helpful in this teaching is that what’s true for them is also true for me. The way I regard those who hurt me today will affect how I experience the world in the future. In any encounter, we have a choice: we can strengthen our resentment or our understanding and empathy. We can widen the gap between ourselves and others or lessen it.”
~From her book “No Time To Lose”
This passage presents a profound insight into the nature of human interactions and the choices we make in response to them. It highlights the cyclical nature of suffering, suggesting that when someone harms us, they are, in fact, sowing the seeds of their own suffering. This is because their actions reinforce destructive patterns that keep them trapped in a cycle of pain and confusion. The harm they inflict on others is not just an external act but a reflection of their inner turmoil, which will continue to manifest in their lives until they break free from these habits.
The teaching also emphasizes that we are not responsible for the actions of others, nor should we feel guilt for the harm done to us. Instead, it offers a different perspective: when we are harmed, we inadvertently become a catalyst for the other person’s suffering, not out of malice, but because their harmful actions further entrench their own pain. Conversely, if they were to approach us with love and kindness, they would be cultivating virtue and positive karma, which would ultimately lead to their own well-being.
This idea, though challenging to accept, can be deeply liberating. It shifts the focus from a sense of victimhood to an understanding of the broader dynamics at play in human interactions. The real power of this teaching lies in its application to ourselves. Just as those who harm us are creating their future experiences, so too are we shaping our own reality through our responses to the people and situations we encounter.
Every interaction we have, especially those that involve conflict or harm, presents us with a crucial choice. We can choose to react with anger, resentment, and a desire for retribution, thereby reinforcing our own suffering and perpetuating a cycle of negativity. Or, we can choose to respond with understanding, empathy, and compassion, which not only heals us but also breaks the cycle of pain.
By recognizing this choice, we take responsibility for our own inner state and the impact we have on the world around us. We understand that the way we treat others, even in the face of harm, will influence how we experience the world in the future. We have the power to either widen the gap between ourselves and others, fueling division and discord, or to bridge that gap, fostering connection and healing.
In essence, this teaching invites us to see every encounter as an opportunity for growth and transformation. It challenges us to rise above our immediate reactions and to cultivate the qualities of understanding and empathy that can transform our lives and the lives of those around us. It’s a call to mindful living, where every moment and every interaction is a chance to choose a path that leads to greater peace, both within ourselves and in the world.
