Holy Church of the Gaslighter

Ross Rosenberg left a video link on my FB page today. I had not met him before, yet he quickly turned me into a fan of his work. He gets it.

I especially like this video he posted, because I have experienced it with family members.  So spot on.

Malignant Narcissism & Alternative Facts

Malignant narcissism is playing a big role in politics these days. Regardless of which side you’re on, it’s beneficial for all of us that main stream media is educating the masses about malignant narcissism and its affects on society.  Millions of people around the world are shaken up by the abrupt and merciless actions taken by our current POTUS, not only because his actions were unapproved and violated our constitution, but he also did not abide by the rules and norms of society word-wide, like most good leaders would.  He quickly dismantled policies that were good for all Americans, like our environment, for example, and national park lands that are considered sacred. Instead, he pushed policies that would make our national parks victim to mining and oil drilling. He has dismissed rational discussions with anyone who opposes him, and is quick to call opponents his enemies. That includes the fair press,  the people of the United States, leaders and citizens of other nations.

When someone acts hastily and pushes hard on people, there are usually dangerous plans lurking beneath the surface. Narcissists and sociopaths do not weigh the consequences. They want things done yesterday and, by God, they will get them done no matter what’s at stake. Another point I will make is that they will lie and call everyone else liars so they can easily vet those foolish people who will believe them, no matter what they do. Trump, himself, has said, “”I could stand in the middle of Fifth Avenue and shoot somebody, okay, and I wouldn’t lose any voters, okay?”

Those hard-core folks that will continue to stay on board with a malignant narcissist will eventually see that they were duped. It will be hard on them,  and they won’t know what hit them. Someday, something will click and they will see the light.  I believe, like in all relationships with a narcissist, there will be pain. The pain of having been so naive to believe in someone who did not care one iota about their well-being. I believe, our country will experience massive, collective PTSD.

However,  eventually, it will make us reach higher and we won’t allow ourselves to be taken advantage of by our so-called leaders. All our fears and antiquated belief systems have to crumble somehow, and what better way than through someone who has a frozen inner core?

Written by Marion Trent
https://sociopathicstyle.com

 

6 Types of Emotional Abuse by Narcissistic Parents

1. REJECTING

Narcissistic Parents or caregivers who display rejecting behavior toward a child will often [purposefully or unconsciously] let a child know, in a variety of ways, that he or she is unwanted. Putting down a child’s worth or belittling their needs is one form these types of emotional abuse may take. Other examples can include telling a child to leave or worse, to get out of your face, calling him names or telling the child that he is worthless, making a child the family scapegoat or blaming him for family/sibling problems. Refusing to talk to or holding a young child as he or she grows can also be considered abuse.

> constant criticism
> name-calling
> telling child he/she is ugly
> yelling or swearing at the child
> frequent belittling and use of labels such as “stupid” or “idiot”
> constant demeaning jokes
> verbal humiliation
> constant teasing about child’s body type and/or weight
> expressing regret the child wasn’t born the opposite sex
> refusing hugs and loving gestures
> physical abandonment
> excluding child from family activities
> treating an adolescent like he is a child
> expelling the child from the family
> not allowing a child to make his own reasonable choices

2. IGNORING

Adults who have had few of their emotional needs met are often unable to respond to the needs of their children. They may not show attachment to the child or provide positive nurturing. They may show no interest in the child, or withhold affection or even fail to recognize the child’s presence. Many times the parent is physically there but emotionally unavailable. Failing to respond to or interact with your child, consistently, constitutes emotional and psychological abuse.

> no response to infant’s spontaneous social behaviors
> to pay attention to significant events in child’s life
> lack of attention to schooling, peers, etc.
> refusing to discuss your child’s activities and interests
> planning activities/vacations without including your child
> not accepting the child as an offspring
> denying required health care
> denying required dental care
> failure to engage child in day to day activities
> failure to protect child

3. TERRORIZING

Parents who use threats, yelling and cursing are doing serious psychological damage to their children. Singling out one child to criticize and punish or ridiculing her for displaying normal emotions is abusive. Threatening a child with harsh words, physical harm, abandonment or in extreme cases death is unacceptable. Even in jest, causing a child to be terrified by the use of threats and/or intimidating behavior is some of the worst emotional abuse. This includes witnessing, hearing or knowing that violence is taking place in the home.

> excessive teasing
> yelling, cursing and scaring
> unpredictable and extreme responses to a child’s behavior
> extreme verbal threats
> raging, alternating with periods of warmth
> threatening abandonment
> berating family members in front of or in ear range of a child
> threatening to destroy a favorite object
> threatening to harm a beloved pet
> forcing child to watch inhumane acts
> inconsistent demands on the child
> displaying inconsistent emotions
> changing the “rules of the game”
> threatening that the child is adopted or doesn’t belong
> ridiculing a child in public
> threatening to reveal intensely embarrassing traits to peers
> threatening to kick an adolescent out of the house

FACT: Children and youth who witness family violence experience all six types of emotional abuse.

4. Isolating

A parent who abuses a child through isolation may not allow the child to engage in appropriate activities with his or her peers; may keep a baby in his or her room, not exposed to stimulation or may prevent teenagers from participating in extracurricular activities. Requiring a child to stay in his or her room from the time school lets out until the next morning, restricting eating, or forcing a child to isolation or seclusion by keeping her away from family and friends can be destructive and considered emotional abuse depending on the circumstances and severity.

> leaving a child unattended for long periods
> keeping a child away from family
> not allowing a child to have friends
> not permitting a child to interact with other children
> rewarding a child for withdrawing from social contact
> ensuring that a child looks and acts differently than peers
> isolating a child from peers or social groups
> insisting on excessive studying and/or chores
> preventing a child from participating in activities outside the home
> punishing a child for engaging in normal social experiences

5. Corrupting

Parents who corrupt may permit children to use drugs or alcohol, watch cruel behavior toward animals, watch or look at inappropriate sexual content or to witness or participate in criminal activities such as stealing, assault, prostitution, gambling, etc.
Encouraging an underage child to do things that are illegal or harmful is abusive and should be reported.

> rewarding child for bullying and/or harassing behavior
> teaching racism and ethnic biases or bigotry
> encouraging violence in sporting activities
> inappropriate reinforcement of sexual activity
> rewarding a child for lying and stealing
> rewarding a child for substance abuse or sexual activity
> supplying child with drugs, alcohol and other illegal substances
> promoting illegal activities such as selling drugs

6. Exploiting

Exploitation can be considered manipulation or forced activity without regard for a child’s need for development. For instance, repeatedly asking an eight-year-old to be responsible for the family’s dinner is inappropriate. Giving a child responsibilities that are far greater than a child of that age can handle or using a child for profit is abusive.

> infants and young children expected not to cry
> anger when infant fails to meet a developmental stage
> a child expected to be ‘caregiver’ to the parent
> a child expected to take care of younger siblings
> blaming a child for misbehavior of siblings
> unreasonable responsibilities around the house
> expecting a child to support family financially
> encouraging participation in pornography
> sexually abusing child or youth

Written by Lori Petro
Original Article located here: http://www.teach-through-love.com/types-of-emotional-abuse.htm

Ten Red Flags That You Are With An ASP

Most people have ignored the warning signs or red flags, that appear early on in a relationship with an antisocial person.

Here are the most obvious — and most likely — red flags that appear within 3-6 months of the relationship, sometimes much sooner. Your potential mate/friend:

1. Valued and quickly devalued you depending on how much, or how little, he/she can control your behavior; especially your behavior towards other people. For example, he or she may perceive someone significant in your life as a potential threat and will manipulate situations to cause you to doubt that friend or family member. He or she will try to build mistrust in you, and then quickly turn around and “save you” from the situation he/she created. Or, he will blatantly demand whom you can or cannot like or love.

NOTE: Pay close attention when he shares situations from past relationships.  It’s highly likely that your relationship will end up looking like his previous relationships. Every relationship picks up where the last one left off. Take your time before you get intimate. It makes things easier if the relationship doesn’t work out. How long should you wait? The short answer is at least 6 months.

2. He tells you straight-up he’s antisocial. No one who is mentally and emotionally stable will call himself an antisocial. Unless you crave a wild and bumpy ride in your relationship, throw this fish back in the water and find love elsewhere.

3. See how he lives. Is his house cluttered, or a pig sty? Lots going on within when someone hoards and lives in filth. “As within, so without,”

4. He uses the system and doesn’t repay debts. Has a sense of entitlement.

5. Tries to micro-manage people in his life. He’s controlling  and acts like he’s the only caring one in the relationship or household.

6. Perceives the world in a very peculiar way. There is no winning for losing. He won’t compromise with you. End. Of. Discussion.

7.  His responses don’t match what is going on in the room. For example, it’s early morning and you get up first. You’re sitting at your computer He walks in and you cheerfully say: “Good morning!” He, in turn, is frowning and doesn’t reply. Instead, he might start some unrelated dialogue because…

8. He lives in his paranoid mind more than in the real world or any rational world for that matter.

9. Most of your actions are met with suspicion or opposition.  Example: Watching a cute and wholesome video on YouTube featuring a friend of the opposite sex might be seen as you being completely obsessed or infatuated with your friend.  All the explaining in the world won’t change his mind. Does he really believe it, or is he trying to control your happy mood by bringing you down to his level? WHO CARES! Get away from someone who is a harmful, toxic person. Love him from a distance. Wish him well and move on.

10. You are constantly walking on egg shells and have to justify your words and actions. Then, you’re told not to justify yourself. You never know what you’re going to get. Ever. It’s a mystery why he acts the way he does,  but the most important thing is to remember that you will never be able to be yourself. Ever.  Do you want that type of relationship?

Narcissist Crumbles without Narcissistic Supply

Handsome narcissisticNarcissist Crumbles without Narcissistic Supply

By Sam Vaknin
Author of “Malignant Self-love: Narcissism Revisited

The Grandiosity Gap (between a fantastically grandiose – and unlimited – self-image and actual – limited – accomplishments and achievements) is grating. Its recurrence threatens the precariously balanced house of cards that is the narcissistic personality. The narcissist finds, to his chagrin, that people out there are much less admiring, accommodating and accepting than his parents. As he grows old, the narcissist often becomes the target of constant derision and mockery, a sorry sight indeed. His claims for superiority appear less plausible and substantial the more and the longer he makes them.

Pathological narcissism – originally a defense mechanism intended to shield the narcissist from an injurious world – becomes the main source of hurt, a generator of injuries, counterproductive and dangerous. Overwhelmed by negative or absent Narcissistic Supply, the narcissist is forced to let go of it.

The narcissist then resorts to self-delusion. Unable to completely ignore contrarian opinion and data – he transmutes them. Unable to face the dismal failure that he is, the narcissist partially withdraws from reality. To soothe and salve the pain of disillusionment, he administers to his aching soul a mixture of lies, distortions, half-truths and outlandish interpretations of events around him. These solutions can be classified thus:

The Delusional Narrative Solution

The narcissist constructs a narrative in which he figures as the hero – brilliant, perfect, irresistibly handsome, destined for great things, entitled, powerful, wealthy, the center of attention, etc. The bigger the strain on this delusional charade – the greater the gap between fantasy and reality – the more the delusion coalesces and solidifies.

Finally, if it is sufficiently protracted, it replaces reality and the narcissist’s reality test deteriorates. He withdraws his bridges and may become schizotypal, catatonic, or schizoid.

The Antisocial Solution

The narcissist renounces reality. To his mind, those who pusillanimously fail to recognize his unbound talents, innate superiority, overarching brilliance, benevolent nature, entitlement, cosmically important mission, perfection, etc. – do not deserve consideration.

The narcissist’s natural affinity with the criminal – his lack of empathy and compassion, his deficient social skills, his disregard for social laws and morals – now erupt and blossom. He becomes a full-fledged antisocial (sociopath or psychopath). He ignores the wishes and needs of others, he breaks the law, he violates all rights – natural and legal, he holds people in contempt and disdain, he derides society and its codes, he punishes the ignorant ingrates – that, to his mind, drove him to this state – by acting criminally and by jeopardizing their safety, lives, or property.

The Paranoid Schizoid Solution

When narcissism fails as a defense mechanism, the narcissist develops paranoid narratives: self-directed confabulations which place him at the center of others’ allegedly malign attention. The narcissist becomes his own audience and self-sufficient as his own, sometimes exclusive, source of narcissistic supply.

The narcissist develops persecutory delusions. He perceives slights and insults where none were intended. He becomes subject to ideas of reference (people are gossiping about him, mocking him, prying into his affairs, cracking his e-mail, etc.). He is convinced that he is the center of malign and mal-intentioned attention. People are conspiring to humiliate him, punish him, abscond with his property, delude him, impoverish him, confine him physically or intellectually, censor him, impose on his time, force him to action (or to inaction), frighten him, coerce him, surround and besiege him, change his mind, part with his values, victimize or even murder him, and so on.

Some narcissists withdraw completely from a world populated with such minacious and ominous objects (really projections of internal objects and processes). They avoid all social contact, except the most necessary. They refrain from meeting people, falling in love, having sex, talking to others, or even corresponding with them. In short: they become schizoids – not out of social shyness, but out of what they feel to be their choice.

“This evil, hopeless world does not deserve me” – goes the inner refrain – “and I shall waste none of my time and resources on it.”

The Paranoid Aggressive (Explosive) Solution

Other narcissists who develop persecutory delusions, resort to an aggressive stance, a more violent resolution of their internal conflict. They become verbally, psychologically, situationally (and, very rarely, physically) abusive. They insult, castigate, chastise, berate, demean, and deride their nearest and dearest (often well wishers and loved ones). They explode in unprovoked displays of indignation, righteousness, condemnation, and blame.

Theirs is an exegetic Bedlam. They interpret everything – even the most innocuous, inadvertent, and innocent comment – as designed to provoke and humiliate them. They sow fear, revulsion, hate, and malignant envy. They flail against the windmills of reality – a pathetic, forlorn, sight. But often they cause real and lasting damage – fortunately, mainly to themselves.

The Masochistic Avoidant Solution

The narcissist is angered by the lack of narcissistic supply. He directs some of this fury inwards, punishing himself for his “failure”. This masochistic behavior has the added “benefit” of forcing the narcissist’s closest to assume the roles of dismayed spectators or of persecutors and thus, either way, to pay him the attention that he craves.

Self-administered punishment often manifests as self-handicapping masochism – a narcissistic cop-out. By undermining his work, his relationships, and his efforts, the increasingly fragile narcissist avoids additional criticism and censure (negative supply). Self-inflicted failure is the narcissist’s doing and thus proves that he is the master of his own fate.

Masochistic narcissists keep finding themselves in self-defeating circumstances which render success impossible – and “an objective assessment of their performance improbable” (Millon, 2000). They act carelessly, withdraw in mid-effort, are constantly fatigued, bored, or disaffected and thus passive-aggressively sabotage their lives. Their suffering is defiant and by “deciding to abort” they reassert their omnipotence.

The narcissist’s pronounced and public misery and self-pity are compensatory and “reinforce (his) self-esteem against overwhelming convictions of worthlessness” (Millon, 2000). His tribulations and anguish render him, in his eyes, unique, saintly, virtuous, righteous, resilient, and significant. They are, in other words, self-generated narcissistic supply.

Thus, paradoxically, the worst his anguish and unhappiness, the more relieved and elated such a narcissist feels!

Narcissists and Facebook

Older narcissists gravitate toward Facebook. “It’s about curating your own image, how you are seen, and also checking on how others respond to this image. Middle-aged adults usually have already formed their social selves, and they use social media to gain approval from those who are already in their social circles,” said co-lead researcher Elliot Panek.

University of Georgia study: “Narcissists are using Facebook the same way they use their other relationships — for self-promotion with an emphasis on quantity over quality.” (September, 2008)

York University study: “Individuals higher in narcissism and lower in self-esteem spent more time on the site and filled their pages with more self-promotional content.” Psychology student and researcher Soraya Mehdizadeh said, “They’re updating their status every five minutes and the photos they post are very carefully construed… The question is, are these really accurate representations of the individual or are they merely a projection of who the individual wants to be?” (September, 2010)

Western Illinois University study: “Grandiose exhibitionism correlated with self-promotion and entitlement/exploitativeness correlated with anti-social behaviors on Facebook.” Researchers found those who scored higher on the Narcissistic Personality Inventory changed their profile photo and posted status updates more often. They also displayed “several anti-social behaviors, including seeking social support more than providing it, getting angry when others do not comment on status updates and retaliating against negative comments.” (March, 2012)

http://www.hlntv.com/article/2013/06/17/social-media-narcissism-twitter-facebook-studies