Preventing Sociopathy

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Reversing the current trend, in which increasing proportions of young Americans are growing up unsocialized, represents a critical challenge — arguably the most significant social issue of our time. The ramifications of this trend are far-reaching, affecting not only individual lives but the fabric of society as a whole. While addressing this problem will undoubtedly require substantial effort and resources, the cost of inaction is far greater. If we fail to intervene, we risk perpetuating a cycle of dysfunction and antisocial behavior that could destabilize communities and strain public systems for generations to come.

David T. Lykken, in “The Antisocial Personalities,” suggests that the heart of the solution lies in addressing the root cause: the increasing number of children being raised by parents who are either incompetent, indifferent, or themselves unsocialized. These parents, whether through a lack of skills, knowledge, or emotional investment, are unable to provide the guidance and support necessary for healthy social development in their children. As a result, these children are more likely to grow up without the socialization needed to function as responsible, empathetic members of society.

To reverse this trend, it is imperative that we invest in comprehensive strategies aimed at improving parenting skills and providing support to families at risk. This could include initiatives such as parent education programs, increased access to mental health services, and community-based interventions that offer guidance and support to struggling families. Additionally, policies that promote stable and nurturing environments for children, such as improved childcare options and family leave policies, could play a crucial role in mitigating the factors that contribute to unsocialized upbringing.

While the path to solving this issue is complex and fraught with challenges, the potential benefits — a society in which future generations are better equipped to lead fulfilling, socially responsible lives — make the endeavor not just worthwhile, but essential.

Emotion or Feeling?

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I recently came across an intriguing distinction between emotions and feelings that I wanted to share. It offers a perspective that can deepen our understanding of our internal experiences.

“How do you know if what you are feeling is an emotion or a feeling?” a curious student once asked during a spiritual teaching session.

The spiritual teacher responded with a simple yet profound explanation: “A feeling subsides within 20 minutes. An emotion sticks around for as long as you let it.”

This distinction is not just a matter of semantics; it speaks to the different ways in which we experience and process our internal states. Feelings, as the teacher described, are often transient and short-lived. They arise in response to a specific event or thought, and, like waves, they ebb and flow naturally, often dissipating within minutes. For example, the feeling of joy when you receive good news, or the slight irritation when something doesn’t go your way, typically fades quickly as the moment passes.

Emotions, on the other hand, have a different quality. They are more persistent and can linger for hours, days, or even longer. An emotion may begin as a feeling, but it can grow and intensify, becoming a more pervasive part of your experience. This is because emotions are often tied to deeper psychological patterns, past experiences, or unresolved issues. For instance, the feeling of frustration over a minor inconvenience can evolve into a lasting emotion of anger if it taps into a deeper sense of injustice or past hurt. Unlike feelings, emotions can stick around and even intensify the more we focus on them or ruminate about their causes.

Understanding this distinction can be incredibly empowering. When we recognize that feelings are fleeting, we can allow them to pass without becoming overly attached or reactive. Conversely, when we identify that we are dealing with an emotion, we can take a step back and explore its roots. This awareness opens the door to deeper self-reflection and healing, as we learn to navigate our inner world with greater clarity and intention.

So, the next time you find yourself caught up in an internal experience, ask yourself: “Is this a feeling that will soon pass, or an emotion that requires my attention and care?” In making this distinction, you can better manage your emotional landscape, allowing for more peace and balance in your daily life.

Forgiveness and Mercy

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“Relax for a moment and be still. Imagine that you are a child and remember one way that you believed you were victimized. It could be someone yelling at you, lying to you, putting you down, hitting, incesting, or molesting you.

Can you see the person abusing you? Are they roaring like a tiger? Watch their lips as they talk to you. See their hand or body as it comes down on you, for example. Look at their face. Look deeply into their eyes. Don’t move away. Really look at them. Can you really know that they want to hurt you? Can you really know that they are not inflicting more abuse upon themselves in that moment? Sit in stillness with this.

Then ask yourself the following question: ‘If I had to choose one or the other for all eternity, would I rather be the abuser or the abused? Which position is the more merciful?'”

~ Byron Katie

5 Things About the “Unteachable Ones”

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Who are the “Unteachable Ones” and how will you recognize them?

The Unteachable OnesThey are the people in your life that tend to speak the three most dangerous words in the English language: “I KNOW THAT!”  Sometimes, it sounds like this: “I already knew that!” “So what? I already know that!”  “I do that already, and I have for years!” They live in a house of cards. Yes, or yes? Always projecting that they have that knowledge, which they really don’t. The proof arrives instantaneously when they are asked and can’t answer the question, even though — per them — it’s been a life-long learning. Doesn’t matter what the subject is. They know it all. You get the picture.

A person who has a huge commitment level to the Sociopathic Style is difficult to teach. It is also very hard to share success stories with them, as they are simply going to say something like, “Great!” They will never ask you, “Tell me more about what you learned.” “Wow, it sounds like you learned a lot.” “What an achievement! Congratulations!”

Nope!  You will never hear anything like that from an Unteachable One.

Here are 5 traits that may help you recognize Unteachable Ones:

1. Someone who feels weak and not in their power tends — or tries — to steal energy from someone who is in their power. When given the opportunity to learn something new, they immediately feel inferior and shut down, walk away, or talk about you behind your back to take you down a notch.

2. They know everything, and much better than you! “Okay, go ahead. Explain yourself and tell me what you know,” they might say while they roll their eyes, sigh, yawn or act completely disinterested in what you are saying. They may ask the question and then interrupt you with something completely irrelevant.

3. Are they really interested in what you know, or what you just learned or experienced? Probably not. People who have  a high commitment level to the Sociopathic Style believe you don’t exist. Your excitement leaves them cold, because  they, themselves, can’t feel or access their own inner core other than feeling jealous. So, how in the heck can they relate to you?   Only through deep, inner resentment that has been festering for years, decades or an entire lifetime.

4. They tend to be jealous people, so if you know more than they, they will try to knock you off your pedestal. Whether to your face with their rudeness, or back-biting.

5.  They may secretly admire you or what you stand for. Hence, they will mimic you and pass on the things you teach them, claiming them as their own. They tend to steal the credit away from you because they don’t want your head to swell, or some such nonsense. They may belittle and shame you by yawning, acting disinterested or make faces while you try to communicate with them. But, alas! They go out and share with others the things they heard you say.  Catchphrases, knowledge, spiritual quotes.  It doesn’t matter what it is. They may try to steal your entire personality, for that matter.  (See the movie, “The Talented Mr. Ripley.”) Scary stuff.

People ask me, “How can we stop these hideous, little monsters?”

You don’t. And, you shouldn’t want to.

The best thing to do is don’t confront them and walk — or run — if you can, far and wide and be with the people who know how to love, uplift and inspire you. Because we all know by now, they do not know how to empower others. From an energetic perspective, once you really get to know them, it feels like they are dead inside. There is no authenticity in their personality.  They have often been called: “Empty, hollow shells.”

Lastly, believe me when I say this — they can not steal anything from you when you have enough Light in you. Light is abundant and unlimited. They may try to dim your Light, but without your permission, they can’t do SQUAT.

Shine on!

With love,
Marion

Ten Red Flags That You Are With An ASP

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Most people have ignored the warning signs or red flags, that appear early on in a relationship with an antisocial person.

Here are the most obvious — and most likely — red flags that appear within 3-6 months of the relationship, sometimes much sooner. Your potential mate/friend:

1. Valued and quickly devalued you depending on how much, or how little, he/she can control your behavior; especially your behavior towards other people. For example, he or she may perceive someone significant in your life as a potential threat and will manipulate situations to cause you to doubt that friend or family member. He or she will try to build mistrust in you, and then quickly turn around and “save you” from the situation he/she created. Or, he will blatantly demand whom you can or cannot like or love.

NOTE: Pay close attention when he shares situations from past relationships.  It’s highly likely that your relationship will end up looking like his previous relationships. Every relationship picks up where the last one left off. Take your time before you get intimate. It makes things easier if the relationship doesn’t work out. How long should you wait? The short answer is at least 6 months.

2. He tells you straight-up he’s antisocial. No one who is mentally and emotionally stable will call himself an antisocial. Unless you crave a wild and bumpy ride in your relationship, throw this fish back in the water and find love elsewhere.

3. See how he lives. Is his house cluttered, or a pig sty? Lots going on within when someone hoards and lives in filth. “As within, so without,”

4. He uses the system and doesn’t repay debts. Has a sense of entitlement.

5. Tries to micro-manage people in his life. He’s controlling  and acts like he’s the only caring one in the relationship or household.

6. Perceives the world in a very peculiar way. There is no winning for losing. He won’t compromise with you. End. Of. Discussion.

7.  His responses don’t match what is going on in the room. For example, it’s early morning and you get up first. You’re sitting at your computer He walks in and you cheerfully say: “Good morning!” He, in turn, is frowning and doesn’t reply. Instead, he might start some unrelated dialogue because…

8. He lives in his paranoid mind more than in the real world or any rational world for that matter.

9. Most of your actions are met with suspicion or opposition.  Example: Watching a cute and wholesome video on YouTube featuring a friend of the opposite sex might be seen as you being completely obsessed or infatuated with your friend.  All the explaining in the world won’t change his mind. Does he really believe it, or is he trying to control your happy mood by bringing you down to his level? WHO CARES! Get away from someone who is a harmful, toxic person. Love him from a distance. Wish him well and move on.

10. You are constantly walking on egg shells and have to justify your words and actions. Then, you’re told not to justify yourself. You never know what you’re going to get. Ever. It’s a mystery why he acts the way he does,  but the most important thing is to remember that you will never be able to be yourself. Ever.  Do you want that type of relationship?

Pema Chodron’s Heart Advice

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ANY ENCOUNTER OFFERS US A CHOICE

“This is an idea that seems difficult for Westerners to accept: when someone harms us, they create the cause of their own suffering. They do this by strengthening habits that imprison them in a cycle of pain and confusion. It’s not that we are responsible for what someone else does, and certainly not that we should feel guilty. But when they harm us, we unintentionally become the means of their undoing. Had they looked on us with loving-kindness, however, we’d be the cause of their gathering virtue.

What I find helpful in this teaching is that what’s true for them is also true for me. The way I regard those who hurt me today will affect how I experience the world in the future. In any encounter, we have a choice: we can strengthen our resentment or our understanding and empathy. We can widen the gap between ourselves and others or lessen it.”

~From her book “No Time To Lose”

This passage presents a profound insight into the nature of human interactions and the choices we make in response to them. It highlights the cyclical nature of suffering, suggesting that when someone harms us, they are, in fact, sowing the seeds of their own suffering. This is because their actions reinforce destructive patterns that keep them trapped in a cycle of pain and confusion. The harm they inflict on others is not just an external act but a reflection of their inner turmoil, which will continue to manifest in their lives until they break free from these habits.

The teaching also emphasizes that we are not responsible for the actions of others, nor should we feel guilt for the harm done to us. Instead, it offers a different perspective: when we are harmed, we inadvertently become a catalyst for the other person’s suffering, not out of malice, but because their harmful actions further entrench their own pain. Conversely, if they were to approach us with love and kindness, they would be cultivating virtue and positive karma, which would ultimately lead to their own well-being.

This idea, though challenging to accept, can be deeply liberating. It shifts the focus from a sense of victimhood to an understanding of the broader dynamics at play in human interactions. The real power of this teaching lies in its application to ourselves. Just as those who harm us are creating their future experiences, so too are we shaping our own reality through our responses to the people and situations we encounter.

Every interaction we have, especially those that involve conflict or harm, presents us with a crucial choice. We can choose to react with anger, resentment, and a desire for retribution, thereby reinforcing our own suffering and perpetuating a cycle of negativity. Or, we can choose to respond with understanding, empathy, and compassion, which not only heals us but also breaks the cycle of pain.

By recognizing this choice, we take responsibility for our own inner state and the impact we have on the world around us. We understand that the way we treat others, even in the face of harm, will influence how we experience the world in the future. We have the power to either widen the gap between ourselves and others, fueling division and discord, or to bridge that gap, fostering connection and healing.

In essence, this teaching invites us to see every encounter as an opportunity for growth and transformation. It challenges us to rise above our immediate reactions and to cultivate the qualities of understanding and empathy that can transform our lives and the lives of those around us. It’s a call to mindful living, where every moment and every interaction is a chance to choose a path that leads to greater peace, both within ourselves and in the world.

Some of Our Favorite Quotes

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It has been said that the greatest souls awaken through suffering. Suffering is not always a curse. Darkness shows us aspects of ourselves that need work, which may not have been exposed to us if the Universe had not sent this suffering in the first place. The greatest prayer you could make would to not ask the Source or Universe to take the suffering away from you, but to instead have faith that everything that happens in your life is only happening to stimulate your spiritual evolution. Thank the Universe for sending you that suffering to help you grow and evolve, both spiritually and emotionally. All experience is a blessing and happens for a reason, so don’t be afraid to feel it and learn from it. Liberate yourself from the prison of your own thoughts. You are in control. Awaken to the beauty in each moment, and move from panic to freedom.
-Spirit Science and Metaphysics

Those who have not found their true wealth, which is the radiant joy of Being and the deep, unshakable peace that comes with it, are beggars, even if they have great material wealth. They are looking outside for scraps of pleasure or fulfillment, for validation, security, or love, while they have a treasure within that not only includes all those things but is infinitely greater than anything the world can offer.
-Eckhart Tolle, “The Power of Now”

I am willing to put myself through anything; temporary pain or discomfort means nothing to me as long as I can see that the experience will take me to a new level. I am interested in the unknown, and the only path to the unknown is through breaking barriers, an often-painful process.
– Diana Nyad

I am in competition with no-one. I run my own race. I have no desire to play the game of being better than anyone, in any way, shape or form. I just aim to improve, to be better than I was before. That’s me and I am free.
-Unknown

Pay close attention to the particular thoughts you use to deprive yourself of happiness.
-Byron Katie

I used to think that the worst thing in life was to end up alone. It’s not. The worst thing in life is to end up with people who make you feel alone.
-Robin Williams

There is no coming to consciousness without pain.
-Carl Jung

Out beyond ideas of wrongdoing and right-doing, there is a field. I’ll meet you there.
-Rumi

Help ever. Hurt never.
-Sri Kaleshwar

Judge nothing, you will be happy. Forgive everything, you will be happier. Love everything, you will be happiest. ― Sri Chinmoy

All people live in their own dream, in their own mind; they are in a completely different world from the one we live in. When we take something personally, we make the assumption that they know what is in our world, and we try to impose our world on their world.
-don Miguel Ruiz

 

 

 

 

My Ex’s Current Girlfriend Contacted Me.

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This is a question that comes up frequently in my work.

So, you’ve moved on and blessed your ex’s new relationship. You and the new girlfriend may have never met in person or otherwise. Months go by, and I am guessing the six-month mark is approaching and the new girlfriend is waking up to the fact that there is something very wrong with her relationship. She may not know about sociopaths or people committed to the Sociopathic Style of relating. She’s confused. She needs answers or closure, so she does a little research and finds you online and contacts you.

What is the correct way to respond?

First, you need to set your intention to help and — not further hurt — the person who is making contact. Moreover, you don’t want to hurt yourself with the exchange of information.  Do not jump in and share all the negativity and/or get into a “Schadenfreude” mode.

I believe it’s okay to share and, in some ways it’s our duty, to bring some light to someone’s suffering and to help them get confirmation or closure.

Under the aforementioned circumstances, I would do the following:

  • I would meditate for guidance and set my good intentions.
  • I would respond with empathy because I understand what she is going through.
  • I would validate her experiences.
  • I would not let what she shares affect me in any way.
  • I would steer the conversation in a positive way should she start to tell me things that I do not care to know about; i.e. more of his lies about me.
  • I would keep the conversation centered around her and very little on me since I have moved on from that experience.
  • I would keep what I share “academic” and based on facts.
  • I would not rehash all the negativity.
  • If she has a lot of questions, I would help her find the answers for herself, opposed to me offering answers from my own experiences.
  • I would focus on the upside on why the person came into our lives and what we can learn from the relationship.
  • I would share my “recovery journey” only in bullet points, and the positive things that have happened in my life since he and I parted ways.
  • I would watch the clock and give the conversation no more than 30 minutes.
  • I would wish her well and remain as we are; meaning not become friends over him or her situation.
  • I would keep our correspondence and/or conversation confidential.

I think it’s a bad idea to contact a new partner of an ex, but if the new partner contacts you, I think it’s fine to offer well-intended, helpful guidance.  In the sociopathic way of relating, there is a lot of confusion, gaslighting, manipulation, verbal  and emotional abuse, betrayal and pathological lying present that makes the “victim” feel crazy. It helps to know that there is someone who cares and understands — who can help one out of the fog without judgment and more drama. Remember to stay in love-based communication and don’t engage in the power triangle.

Don’t let people pull you into their storm; instead, pull them into your PEACE.

 

The Subconscious Mind

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The subconscious mind is best likened to a nine-year-old child

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When I explain the subconscious mind to my clients, I use the analogy of being passengers on a plane flown by a nine-year-old pilot (the subconscious mind). This child will always be the one in the cockpit, and as adults, we can’t replace the pilot or take control of the flight path ourselves. However, what we can do is teach this young pilot to navigate the plane smoothly, rather than letting them fly erratically with no clear destination in mind.

At various points in our lives, we’ve all experienced that out-of-control child steering the plane straight toward the Himalayan Mountains. Sometimes, we’ve crashed. Other times, we’ve miraculously landed in Paradise, so to speak. Many modern teachings focus on the mind and how changing our thoughts can lead to fulfilling relationships, inner peace, and a beautiful life.

Documentaries like “The Secret” and “What the Bleep Do We Know?” have introduced us to meditation and visualization techniques that help us guide the mind, rather than allowing it to run wild in any direction it chooses.

I’ve dedicated much of my life to studying both contemporary and ancient healing techniques. I’m continually amazed at how far we’ve come in these fields and how effective these practices can be when applied consistently.

Several years ago, I discovered Quantum Jumping by Burt Goldman, a practice developed after more than 50 years of studying with some of the world’s greatest spiritual teachers. His teachings blend shamanic journeying (working outside of time and space) with modern shortcut techniques that help the subconscious mind adjust, accept, and manifest our highest potential. When we gain control over our minds, we can achieve almost anything. We can release the past and fully embrace the present moment, free from judgment, fear, and regret. This, in turn, attracts only supportive, loving, and authentic people into our lives, making our hopes and dreams a reality.

Wishing you a safe and comfortable flight!

Love,
Marion

 

Angry and Controlling Men

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Lundy Bancroft’s insights in “Why Does He Do That?” shine a powerful light on the psychological tactics abusive men employ to maintain control and deflect responsibility. On page 21, Bancroft compares the behavior of an abusive man to that of a magician, using misdirection to keep his partner from seeing the true source of his abusiveness. This analogy is profound because it captures the essence of how abusers manipulate their partners’ perceptions, creating a confusing and disorienting environment where the victim is constantly trying to understand and fix the abuser’s behavior.

Bancroft highlights that the abuser’s goal is to make his partner focus on his emotions and apparent turmoil, as if these are the root causes of his abusive actions. By doing so, he effectively diverts attention away from the real issue: his deeply ingrained beliefs and attitudes that justify his abusive behavior. This focus on his emotions can create a false sense of hope in the victim, leading them to believe that if they could only help him manage his feelings or resolve his inner conflicts, the abuse would stop.

However, as Bancroft points out, the real problem lies in how the abuser thinks, not in how he feels. His behavior is not the result of uncontrolled emotions or psychological instability, but rather a deliberate and calculated pattern of control and domination. The abuser’s thoughts are shaped by a sense of entitlement, a belief that he has the right to control and dominate his partner, and a lack of empathy for the impact of his actions on others.

Bancroft also discusses how abusers manipulate their partners’ views of their past relationships, often painting ex-partners in a negative light to prevent their current partner from discovering the truth about their behavior. This tactic serves to isolate the victim, making it more difficult for them to see the pattern of abuse that extends across the abuser’s relationships.

The most insidious aspect of this manipulation is that it often leads the victim to blame themselves for the abuse. The abuser’s constant excuses, distortions, and shifting of blame create a sense of self-doubt in the victim, making them question their perceptions and feel responsible for the abuser’s actions. This self-doubt is compounded by societal attitudes that often excuse or minimize abusive behavior, further reinforcing the abuser’s narrative and making it harder for the victim to recognize the true nature of the problem.

In essence, Bancroft’s analysis underscores the importance of understanding the thought patterns that drive abusive behavior. It’s not enough to address the emotions or past traumas of the abuser; the real work lies in challenging and changing the beliefs that justify and perpetuate the abuse. Only by seeing through the abuser’s “magic tricks” can a victim begin to break free from the cycle of abuse and reclaim their sense of self-worth and autonomy.